Why Won't Anyone Help Me?

Why Won’t Anyone Help Me?

Planning a Wedding is very stressful for mostly everyone involved, especially the Bride. In my experience from meeting with hundreds of Brides almost all of them have said the same thing “Nobody is helping me.”

I wish I had a dollar for every time a Bride has said “He isn’t doing anything, he won’t even help pick out the music!” Sorry gentlemen but in this case the “he” is in fact the Groom to be.

Let’s start with the music. More and more I am hearing couples say they are arguing about song choices. This is so sad to hear, the choosing of your music should be a fun event. When my Wife and I decided it was time to pick the songs for our wedding we took an evening and made an easy to eat dinner, had a beverage or two of our liking and laid out a blanket on the floor in front of the stereo system and listened to songs, ate dinner, and had fun picking our songs. We had some debate as to what the better choices for some of the dances were but for the most part we took the time to hear what each other was saying about the songs and why those songs were important for each of us.

Of course, there were some choices by each of us that were just not acceptable to the other, for instance I wanted to enter the reception to Turbo Lover by Judas Priest (yes pun intended lol) but there was no way a fun, classy lady like my wife would ever agree to that. So instead of arguing we compromised and found many song selections that fit us both. Oh, did I mention this was before YouTube or any other internet site that made it easy to listen to every song out there.

Guys, one thing rings true with most Brides they do not need your help. But that does not mean that they don’t want your help. They are worried that you won’t like the music, the decorations, the timing of events and so much more. I almost always agree with the Brides in this area because this day is as much for the Groom as it is for the Bride.

I had a chat with a soon to be Groom once and he said, “I am paying for everything, isn’t that enough?” No, no it is not enough. Guys, it is easy to open a wallet or checkbook and pay for things. The hard part is making everything that was purchased work for your special day. Trust me guys, the last thing you want is your soon to be Brides memories of your wedding to be negative and painful. Look at it like this, ten years down the road and you are remembering something nice about your wedding day and bring it up to your wife this is what the conversation could be-

Groom- Hey Honey, do you remember when those little kids came on to the dance floor at our wedding and joined us dancing to our first song? Wasn’t that sweet?

Bride- Oh, you mean when those little kids joined us in the dance because I was the one that picked the music for the dances because you didn’t help? Do you even remember our first dance song? While we are at it, what were our colors for our wedding? What were you doing when my girls and I were putting up the decorations? Oh, and don’t even get me started on how You wouldn’t help decide on anything but then you complained all night about everything that you left for me to take care of.

Trust me guys you do not want this conversation to take place, ever.

Guys, the ladies I have had the honor of meeting through the years are most of the time miracle workers. Come hell or high water they will get this wedding to happen with or without your help. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want your help. A little bit of understanding and help goes a very long way. Even if you say something like “Hey honey, I know you are busy with everything. If you don’t mind I will pick the songs for these events and see if you like them.” With that last sentence we have just opened a whole new can of issues.

Brides to be, from the guys that I have talked to on so many occasions I hear “I have helped, I have offered to help but no matter what I do she isn’t happy with it or she gets mad at the choices I have made.”

Ladies, I know how guys think and if they do offer help or help and then are slammed for the help they are giving they will not help anymore. They will feel that you do not respect their time or decisions. Keep in mind ladies, men are men, we are not going to have the decorating skills that you ladies have.

We will not have the sentimental reasons for liking a song like you do. When it comes to food if we can eat it that’s pretty much good enough for us, it doesn’t need to be pretty. This is where you need to explain yourself and show examples. Don’t assume that your soon to be knows the color wheel. If you need to have a specific shade of pink or blue give him examples that he can take with him. If there are pictures to help you show your guy what you are talking about use them. Most guys are not even remotely close to having the thinking of a wedding planner nor do they want to have it. If we offer to help communicate with us the type of help you need and give us very clear physical examples that we can revert to, so we can get what you want.